Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
