at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
