the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
