508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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