Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
