i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
either way he was missing a nipple.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
