Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
