I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
