It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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