So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
