just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
