i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
