This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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