He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
