I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
