she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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