FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
