Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
