so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
