brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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