her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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