There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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