hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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