I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
