I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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