sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
