That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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