"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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