Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
