Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No subtext here. People are naked.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
