at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
