Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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