he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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