I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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