i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
