I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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