Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
