I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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