Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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