I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
