It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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