I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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