Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
