evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
