after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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