sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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