nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
