Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
