It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
