I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
