so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
