left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
