Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
